Ghost in The Machine

[kiramori]

I think I'm sleeping well lately, so why am I awake at 2AM?

Getting caught in drama is just my thing — it literally runs in my blood. That's on my father. Weird it is to watch people go. Usually it is so uncalled for that not even the grudges stick for that long.

I'm a diplomat, an empath, and a psychologist sometimes too. I also receive death threats on a regular basis. That's on me. So weird to see all these dead people in my social media, sometimes they move and I'm startled to remember they even existed in the first place, but I know they're dead! To me they are, anyway.

That's right, I'm a problem child, babe! I rock with that unemployment theme song 24/7 — yep, that's me. Sometimes I have so little free time I almost want to eat glue as punishment for daring to stand still while my instant noodles are cooking. Life's a game — I'm minmaxing, got optimization guides, spreadsheets and everything. — I'm also in constant agony derived from unreal expectations.

I wish I was smart — I'd only speak in haiku. Never would I touch a cellphone again, I'm tired of flashy machines, I like the old stuff!!!

What's love about, anyway? I thought I had it all figured out, then I entered a relationship and it turned me inside out (again). I do think that's what I need though, it's all me, me, me, and me all the time. I'm sick of you — get out of my head!

I'd be married to my job if I had one. I guess there's nothing left after all.

I really should get some sleep soon.

Comments

[solventmori]

The only good thing about sleep to me is that it is an escape from all the problems in the world. But it never is enough a lot of the time. I hate feeling tired and I hate sleeping, but sleeping is needed to survive.

My disdain for sleeping makes it for me, that when I do want to sleep, it feels really nice. But 9/10 I only do it after trying to escape it.

[kiramori]

Some people struggle to eat, some people struggle with sleep or even bathing. I think each one of us has their own experiences with undeniable aspects of life. I'm sorry things are like that for you. I too wish I could be awake more, wish I had more time to do stuff.

In a way, time being limited is important to us, for it forces us to choose what we want most. It's on the person to turn limitation into motivation, and I realize it's not always easy to do that. Coming to terms with that kind of stuff is often a long and winded healing process, but it's not impossible.

All in all, it sucks. I hope things get better for you and that soon you get to wake up not feeling you are in a world you should try to escape from. Also sorry for the big reply.