Círculo Vicioso

[kiramori]

Sometimes I have to stop and ask myself how much I hate you.

The answer is usually "I don't even hate you", but I try hard to make it so that any part of me whatsoever feels even a little bit disgusted by you. I can't.

I've spent countless days trying to hate you, because that's what's supposed to happen. I should hate you, I know it in my bones there MUST be something inside me that wants to hate you, but I can't find it. Hating you would be easy, would be righteous, would be justice served cold. Yet, no part of me can bring about the feeling.

As lonely as I felt when you left, I don't regret it. I don't want to change it. I would never.

I feel dull. I feel boring. I can hate myself far easier than i can hate you. I can bite my flesh and I can drink my blood, I can sink in the depths of my heart trying to find comtempt and get lost in things that don't even matter anymore.

I miss dreaming, I miss working hard, I miss improving. I miss security, I miss potential, I miss achieving. I miss everything more than I miss you.

I know i'm losing faith, but I can't. As much as I'd wish to;

I could never bite the apple and I could never drink the poison. I could never care about how you made me feel.

This was never about you, i'm grieving for what i'm doing to myself.

Comments

[alexmarki]

huh

[kiramori]

wellcome to the huh club, how much huh are you today

[alexmarki]

like at least 500

[kiramori]

this could be good or bad depending on the circunstances.