The Romantic Corpse at My Office

[kiramori]

I'm a worthless piece of trash sometimes.

So... First post of the year, which is weird, because I promissed to post something at the new year's eve but my PC broke again. This time I had to swtich my motherboard. Along with having little to do in the meantime where my pc was getting fixed, I also had to work on-site so I can get money to fix it.

Honestly, I like working on-site. I like my coworkers, I like talking to people, but I'm feeling down lately for a buch of reasons.

First, the time I lost at which I could be working on my game project. I was planing to work on it in my free time but without PC I could only do some prep-work (and I didn't do shit honestly). Now I don't know how much time I have before I have to go back to uni.

Second, I had an online friend that I loved talking to, but she got a little upset at my absence (for like, not having a pc) and we aren't talking much. I feel like I fucked up but I did everything I could.

Third reason is gonna be omitted from this post because I don't want to humiliate myself any further.

Today I had a very rough day at work, I feel like I took the blame for a lot of stuff that wasn't really my fault and a lot of times it was rubbed in that I fucked up in a way or another. Then as I was gazing at the grey skies and the moving streets, someone from the office brought in a fucking dead coral snake.

Yes, I'm superstitious to no end. At the new year celebration I saw a moth hanging from the wall. Moths are omens of death, and since last year I was saying how worried I was about the well being of my grandma and my dog. So I took that as confirmation of what I was already thinking was gonna happen in this year. Now, death doesn't mean just physically dying, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be encountering a lot of deaths this year.

So, on that vein. Coral snakes are a very symbolic animal for me. They mean a lot and the odds of someone bringing a dead coral snake to my workplace while I was having a bad day at work are something to consider.

Anyway, the real reason I feel sad it's because I'm alone again. I struggle a lot with relationships and I constantly think about my exes, mostly how I would never want them to be with me again, but also how life felt when I was with someone. Honestly, I just want a kiss or a hug, and I met someone who reminds me a lot of those past relationships, so I feel a bit queasy around them. I like them a lot, honestly.

Comments

[glowingfish]

Well, the New Year can be a tough time. But don't feel bad for...not updating Dreamwidth.

Also, yes, loneliness is a big problem. For myself as well. Sorry that I don't have anything smart to say. Its 1:30 AM here.

[kiramori]

It's more that I wanted to reminisce about the year, not much for dreamwidth's sake.

Loneliness will go away sometime, I'm sure of it, I just don't got a smart way to put it into words, sorry. It's 12AM here and I'm typing this in my working hours.